


the space between us, in this moment

by chahakyn



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, F/M, Fluff, Meet-Cute, TUA Secret Santa 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28296105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn
Summary: “That shouldn’t stop you.” Klaus leans forward, toast stuffed in his mouth as he points at Ben menacingly with his spoon. “Maybe she’s just a beautiful ghost who is haunting you as a reminder of your nonexistent love life. Since you can’t seem to find the strength to just go and talk to her.”Ben grits his teeth, pushing Klaus’s utensil and subsequent heaping spoonful of strawberry yogurt away from his face. “Not helping, Klaus.”--Ben finds Jill occupying his thoughts more than he'd like.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Jill
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19





	the space between us, in this moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MalecAcid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecAcid/gifts).



> happy holidays em! i was your gift provider for this gift exchange, and i had a blast writing this for you! hope you enjoy modern college au benji nonsense, i love writing ben as a big romantic idiot who loses all his braincells the second he lays eyes on jill (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
> 
> canonically they both go to uc berkeley in this fic (artichoke's is a real pizza joint by cal and it's delicious) but i based the situations off my own uni experiences as well as my knowledge of berkeley. so, did i use this fic to cope with missing out on uni life this past year? maybe...
> 
> fic title adapted from the translated lyrics of [ Ooh La La La (닿은 순간)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cuQODVuQDk&ab_channel=EXO-Topic) by EXO

There’s something special about the hell that is a college finals week. Too many lecture slides crammed into too few days, essays that have no right being as long as they are, group project members that refuse to answer your texts; the list goes on and on. It’s not all bad though; sometimes, if you stay up late enough, you get to see the sky turn colors you’ve never witnessed before. That is, unless you’re stuck in the basement of the only 24-hour library on campus.

Ben scrubs his face desperately, equations and snippets of his essay swimming on the backs of his eyelids. Almost there. Just one more paragraph of writing, and then two more chapters-worth of PowerPoint slides, and then…coffee? He checks his phone blearily, calculating in his head. A quick nap. And then coffee.

“Have you tried refreshing the application? You might need to log in again.”

Ben blinks, peering over the top of his desk divider. It’s nearly 4AM, most people usually have the etiquette not to speak so loudly. He spots the perpetrator, a young woman peering at another person’s computer screen.

“You think I haven’t tried that, _Jill_? What are you here for, if you can’t help me?” The owner of the computer snaps. At that, Jill straightens, hands on her hips.

“Look, it’s not my paper on the line here. If you want me to help you, act like you have some manners. Got it?”

The other person shrinks back with a murmured agreement, and she turns back to the computer at that, fingers flying over the keys. Ben blinks, dazed. That was _hot_. Maybe he’s sleep-deprived, maybe he needs to consume something that isn’t caffeine, but still, people standing up for themselves and taking no shit is always attractive, in his eyes.

_Focus, Ben. Come on_.

Ben shakes his head, forcing himself to look down at his notes.

\---

Jill shakes her head at the misbehaving laptop—now having been cowed into submission—before turning on her heel to head back to the front desk. _Honestly_ , the things people think they can get away with during finals season. Being stressed is no reason to act like an asshole to people, _especially_ people trying to help.

She sits down at her post, glancing wearily at the clock. A couple more hours and then she can get a few blessed hours of rest before cranking out the second half of that final essay. Those hours drag painfully as she painstakingly works through the last of her logic problem sets. Looking up at the clock every once in a while gives her a chance to stretch, crack her neck and fingers. As she glances up at nearly 6AM, her eyes accidently catch the gaze of someone passing by on their way out. He’s tall, hair mussed from being pushed back with his fingers. Said fingers are now curled protectively around a stack of books, his stance a little curled as though shielding the books with his entire body. Jill suppresses a smile as she glances quickly away. He’s not her usual type. But still, cute guy. Pretty sure he was watching when Greg was giving her a hard time over his laptop.

Jill winces, shoulders hunching as she sighs. Hopefully, that little outburst of hers didn’t make her look like too much of an asshole. Greg deserved it, but first impressions _are_ important. Hopefully, she never sees that guy again. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask, right?

\---

Ben stumbles out of the library, reeling from the accidental eye contact he made with Jill along with the overwhelming wave of knowledge he crammed into his brain that he’s going to inevitably forget in the next 4 hours. God, she was really, _really_ cute.

**_Focus_** **.** _Exam first, pining later_.

For how little they’ve interacted—does accidental eavesdropping and then eye contact count as interaction?—this should be a fleeting kind of attraction. A passing thought or two and nothing more. And yet, he still can’t get Jill out of his head. Not in a “She’s driving me crazy” kind of way; more like a “I wonder what she’s doing” kind of way, a gentle sort of musing that doesn’t take up an amount of brain space that’s irritating, but just enough space that he can’t comfortably forget.

She sits there in his mind, a little blip on his radar, all throughout winter break. It’s enough that he willingly steps into the library his first day back for spring classes, hoping to see her and maybe…talk to her? Or something. He doesn’t find her at first, but his disappointment is short-lived because he catches a glimpse of familiar curly hair three tables over in the dining hall that very evening. And then two days later, the back of her head two rows in front of him in his Oceanography GE course. And _then_ , somehow, at the introductory meeting of the figure drawing club. Weird.

Ben’s heard of this phenomenon, where people on college campuses just keep constantly running into the same person all of a sudden purely by coincidence, despite not knowing a single thing about them other than “Hey, I sure see this person _a lot_ these days for no good reason”. He didn’t think he’d fall prey to it, but here he is: constantly seeing her, desperate to know her, but unsure of how to proceed.

“This is a fucking disaster,” he groans into his cereal two weeks into the semester, absentmindedly spooning milk over his frosted flakes like he’s basting a steak. Not that he cooks steaks. Or eats them, really.

“It’s anything _but_ that, Benny boy,” Klaus declares with a rather magnanimous wave of his hand, coating Ben with a spray of toast crumbs. “You see her enough that there’s no way you could lose track of her. Now all you gotta do is talk to her. Easy.”

“Says you. I don’t know _anything_ about her.”

“That shouldn’t stop you.” Klaus leans forward, toast stuffed in his mouth as he points at Ben menacingly with his spoon. “Maybe she’s just a beautiful ghost who is haunting you as a reminder of your nonexistent love life. Since you can’t seem to find the strength to just go and _talk_ to her.”

Ben grits his teeth, pushing Klaus’s utensil and subsequent heaping spoonful of strawberry yogurt away from his face. “Not _helping_ , Klaus.”

“Oh, _fine_ ,” Klaus huffs. “Come to my club meeting Thursday night.”

Ben scoffs. “I’m not going to your weird cult club meeting.”

\---

“I can’t believe I’m at your weird cult club meeting,” Ben grumbles, crossing his arms as he stands next to Klaus. Klaus rolls his eyes.

“Consider it payment for the gift I am about to provide you. Hey Jill!” He waves at a familiar figure standing near the door. They walk closer and Ben’s jaw drops. It’s _her_.

“You _know_ her?”

“Vaguely,” Klaus says with a wicked grin and, _God_ , this is what Ben gets for being friends with the worst person on the planet.

“Jill, this is Ben, my very best idiot friend. Chat amongst yourselves, I need to go talk to Keechie.” And with that, Klaus is gone.

\---

Jill blinks, mind running a mile a minute. This is…unexpected. She’d come in anticipating a regular meeting, and instead, she’s gotten the cute boy from the library handed to her on a silver platter. Well, might as well make the best of it. She thrusts her hand out with a wry smile.

“Ben. I believe we’ve passed each other once or twice.”

Ben takes her hand with a soft laugh, grip firm. “More than that, I’d say. You work at the library?”

“Sadly, yes,” Jill says with a frown. “Don’t know if you heard, but if you did, sorry you had to see me laying in on people during finals. People always get really rude around that time.”

“No need to apologize, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Those people don’t deserve your expertise.”

Jill’s laugh startles out of her mouth unexpectedly. “Hardly expertise,” she says quickly, “but I’m honored you think so.”

Ben gives her a hesitant smile, and then the conversation falls into the dreaded awkward silence stage. _Fuck_.

“So, classic questions then!” Jill says with a clap of her hands, because she’s not ready for this to fall by the wayside. She’d like something good out of this, at least. “Major, year?”

“Comparative Literature and a junior. You?”

Jill checks that off in her head. A fellow avid reader. She can get behind this.

“English, junior as well. Pre-law.”

Ben’s eyes light up at that, gaze nearly starstruck.

“Oh, _wow_ , that’s amazing! You really have all your plans laid out, huh?”

“It’s not that impressive, I’m still stuck taking dumb GE’s for the time being because I didn’t quite plan right,” Jill says with a modest shake of her head.

“I know, we’re both stuck in that same GE boat,” he says with a laugh. Jill’s confusion must show on her face, because Ben’s face suddenly flushes as he gives a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Oceanography? We have that together.”

“Oh?” Jill’s brow furrows as she thinks back. “ _Oh_. I haven’t seen you there! But yeah, that class is a slog, I can barely bring myself to stay awake.”

“Honestly.” Ben pauses, jaw working for a second, and Jill knows exactly what he’s doing to do the moment he opens his mouth. “Wanna meet up and study for that class? Not saying that you need any help, but getting together might make it a little easier to study and I—”

“Relax,” Jill says with a laugh, shaking her head. “Didn’t read it that way.” She debates, for a moment, on turning down his offer. She’s always studied better on her own; having people there is just a distraction in the end. Especially if said people are attractive and apparently incredibly kind and gracious. But she decides not to. Why not give this a chance?

“Why not? I’m down to study together.”

And with that, a surprising friendship blossoms. Ben’s smarter than he gives himself credit for, whip-sharp and incredibly witty when he wants to be. But more often than not, he’s careful and kind and always a little unsteady around her. Again, not her type usually. Jill likes guys who are confident, well-read, who always take the first step, the first push. And yet, she finds herself making exceptions for Ben, stepping out of her comfort zone to bring them together.

“Ben!”

Jill watches as Ben glances up, blinking rapidly as he sees her waving at him from two rows in front of him in lecture

“Come sit here with me?” She beckons, hand falling as Ben doesn’t move. “Or not, totally get if you prefer to sit farther back—”

“I’ll sit with you,” Ben interrupts quickly, nearly tripping over his backpack strap and spilling his coffee on the way to falling into the seat next to her. She can’t keep the smile off her face for the rest of lecture. Progress, slow but steady. They might get somewhere with this.

\---

“Tell me everything you know about ocean currents.”

Ben blinks blearily as he looks up, squinting at the diagram on Jill’s laptop screen. It’s Saturday evening. His mind is empty.

“That would be… nothing,” Ben confesses with a sigh. Jill shakes her head, looking far too amused for the situation.

“You’re hopeless,” she declares, scrolling up and down the page aimlessly as she swivels gently in her chair. Ben shrugs, resting his chin in his hand as he raises a brow.

“Alright, then you tell me what _you_ know about ocean currents?”

Jill opens her mouth before closing it, brow furrowing.

“Gotcha,” Ben says gleefully, wagging his finger at her. She catches his finger, playing baring her teeth at him.

“So we’re both hopeless. Luckily, Google has our back,” Jill declares with a triumphant wave of her phone, and Ben can’t help the laugh that bursts out of him at that. He finds himself laughing a lot more lately, always weirdly happy in a way that he hasn’t felt before. Maybe it’s just the fun of clicking well with someone. Maybe it’s the relief of knowing that he’s valuable enough to be desired as a friend. Maybe it’s the thrill of falling just a little bit every day for a girl with beautiful eyes, a sharp sense of humor, and more knowledge than she knows what to do with crammed in that big brain of hers. Whatever it is, he’s happy. Happy to the point where other people are noticing his good mood.

“Dude, you get laid recently or something?” Diego takes a bite of his sandwich, watching as Ben chokes on air and launches himself forward in his seat.

“ _What_?”

“You’re weirdly happy all the time now.” Diego shrugs, chewing thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ve seen you smile this much since you were giving me weekly updates on how you were owning one of your classmates on discussion board last semester.”

“Okay, in my defense—"

Diego holds up his hand, amused but weary. “I’ve heard it all before, my dude. Multiple times.”

“Well, if you were a _good_ friend, you would know that I’m allowed to be happy whenever I’d like,” Ben says, rolling his eyes. “You should also know that getting laid is a terrible metric for happiness. There are much better things in life to enjoy, like sleeping in, having a really good piece of pizza, or—"

“Ben!”

Ben whips around in his seat, squinting at the figure waving at him from across the courtyard. Diego’s eyes narrow as Ben straightens suddenly in his seat, hand raising. “Hey Jill!”

Jill jogs over, drink and books in hand. “I have to run to work, but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“For sure,” Ben says, waving again before he turns back to face Diego. He freezes at the shit-eating grin on Diego’s face. “What.”

“I see how it is,” Diego says slyly. “You and, what’s her name? Jill—"

“It’s not what it looks like,” Ben bites out, shaking his head. Diego barks out a laugh, folding his hands behind his head as he leans back in his seat.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s _totally_ what it looks like. You’ve got it rough for her. But keep telling yourself it’s nothing, buddy.”

Ben groans, kicking helplessly at Diego’s ankle as he slumps back in his seat.

\---

“Ben.”

He hums, not looking up as he underlines something in his notebook. Jill tilts her head, sliding low enough in her seat that she can rest her cheek on the table. He still doesn’t look up, brow furrowing as he reads over his notes. His mouth moves, lips silently outlining words as his eyes dart from left to right. It’s all terribly endearing.

“Ben,” Jill murmurs a little louder, suppressing a smile at how his gaze is slightly hazy as he looks up from his notes at her with an absentminded hum. She props her head up a little with her hand at his acknowledgment, giving Ben a thoughtful look.

“Mandy asked me if you’re single.”

Ben frowns, a confused little thing that warms her heart. “Mandy?”

“I don’t think you know her,” Jill amends quickly. He definitely doesn’t know her. _Jill_ doesn’t even know her, given that she does not have an acquaintance named Mandy. “But she’s asking. What should I tell her?”

“Is she the only one asking?” Ben’s smile is sly, but still a little timid beneath it, the tips of his ears flushing. Jill gives into the urge to laugh, shaking her head as she shoves gently at Ben’s shoulder. Every time she thinks she has Ben figured out, he does little things like this. Bursts of confidence, parts of his character leaping out at her before hiding themselves again beneath his standard veneer of earnest kindness. It’s all so wonderfully confusing, and she’d kiss him right now, if she could. But she can’t. They have finals in less than a week, and she still doesn’t quite know if Ben is interested or if he’s just too nice to ask her. Hence, “Mandy” wanting to ask Ben out.

“Just answer the question,” Jill says with a roll of her eyes. Ben shrugs at that, his smile turning apologetic.

“I am. Single, that is. But I’m…interested in someone else.” He ducks his head at this, looking back at his notes. “Sorry.”

Jill hums. “No harm done. I’ll be sure to pass it on.”

Ben gives a nod, turning quickly back to his notes. But she can feel him glancing back at her afterwards, fleeting little looks as she flips through the latest novel she’s going to be quizzed on in her Romantic Age literature class. It’s not the clearest of answers, but alongside all the evidence she’s collected throughout the semester, it’s enough to convince her to give it a chance. If Ben doesn’t ask her out by the end of the semester, she’ll handle it herself.

\---

In Ben’s opinion, settling into the post-finals haze of relief is the unparalleled highlight of every semester. There’s something so freeing about putting down your pen for the final time or pressing “Submit” on that last paper, with only weeks of mind-numbing bliss in the horizon. So, it makes zero sense as to why Ben’s feeling a bit of sadness alongside that familiar feeling of relief.

But who’s he kidding. He knows why.

The end of the semester always brings a little tinge of sadness. Routines that have been built are knocked down at the end, making way for new schedules and habits to form. It’s usually a good thing, but there’s always the downside of losing things along the way. Classmates you’d chat to occasionally, but never enough to be friends with. Good professors and TA’s that you’ll never really quite have the chance to interact with again, let alone muster up the courage to send an email to. Tentative friendships that have yet to stand the test of winter break and new semester schedules. Ben glances to the side at this, watching Jill survey Artichoke’s menu with an intensely thoughtful expression on her face.

There’s no guarantee the friendship they’ve built will stand the test of time, let alone have enough strength to move forward into something more, maybe, if they’re both willing. This is always the hardest part, in Ben’s opinion. Not for romantic relationships, but for things in general. That step outside of a comfort zone, the deviation from what you know in a leap of faith, a hope that the change will be for the better. It’s terrifying, it’s exhilarating, it’s something he needs to do and yet—

“Did you not want to sit?”

Ben startles, blinking rapidly as he focuses his gaze on Jill. She gives him a look, drink and pizza already in hand.

“Sorry, I was…thinking.”

“Mind out there in the stratosphere, I know.” Jill smiles, tilting her head as they settle under the tree outside. “You alright?”

“Yeah I just…End of the semester, you know?” He says vaguely, waving his hand. She makes a noise of agreement, though her gaze is still sharp as she glances at him out of the corner of her eye. Knowing. Ben sighs as he takes a bite of his pizza. He might as well be honest, right?

“I was thinking about…How things change and how we might change with them and it’s all kinda scary, especially when we examine our expectations of that change in ourselves and I’m really not good at it. Change and what comes with that, even when it’s good sometimes, and I’m just—”

He makes the critical mistake of looking at Jill in the moment that he takes a breath between words. She’s watching him with an expression he can’t quite read on her face, but it doesn’t matter if he understands it or not because in that moment, she’s _breathtakingly_ beautiful. Of course, she’s beautiful in every moment, one to the next, but there’s something about this one in particular that makes his breath catch in his throat and his words stick to his tongue like a persistent serving of maple syrup. The evening glow of the sun catches in her hair, slanting through her glasses, warming her skin with a glow so golden it feels ethereal.

“Ben?”

Her voice is soft, and the moment her tongue unconsciously darts out to wet her lips Ben loses all sight of coherent thought. He stumbles back in his mind, picking up pre-prepared words with haste. Maybe he’s not ready, maybe he needs to just…stop.

“I’m s-sorry, forget it,” Ben manages to stutter out, taking a slightly too big bite of his pizza.

“Do you want to go out with me?” She blurts out as he swallows, voice a little too loud. Ben chokes, swallowing hastily with watery eyes.

“ _Wh-what_?”

“You and me. Going out?” Her fingers tremble a little as she waves them. “Like, more than friends, y’know?”

“You’d want that?”

“Would you?” She asks casually, like it’s nothing. But he can tell she saw the hesitance in his eyes and decided to take the swing for him and he can’t help the helpless laugh that bubbles out of him.

“Yes. _Yes_.” It’s like all his nerves have suddenly melted away. This new step in their friendship, relationship, whatever they call it, it isn’t something that needs to be scary. It’s _Jill_ , it’s going to be good and they’re going to enjoy themselves even if things go a little sideways sometimes because when do they not? The realization is such a relief that Ben lets out a breathy chuckle, leaning forward in his to brush his lips against her cheek on impulse. He somehow misses, of course, lips pressing to the corner of her mouth instead. It’s a mistake that has him jolting back in surprise, hand to his mouth.

But then Jill has her hand pressed to the corner of her mouth too and, oh, is she _blushing_? He blinks, mouth slightly askew as he watches her lips curve into a sheepish smile. Her foot nudges against his under the table, and Ben can’t help but match her smile as he nudges back.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [ tumblr](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat!


End file.
